Shady0807 – "The Thoughts of a Gentleman"

October 17, 2009

“My Disguise”

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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“I’ve lived a life full of hate and pain,

but it has actually made me more wise.

You could say that without the rain,

you’d take for granite days the sun shines.

I’ve manipulated my way to personal gains,

by feeding victims full of bullshit and lies.

Those who love me the most are now insane,

due to me enforcing their screams and cries.

I did all of this while feeling no shame,

or wondering how I’ve managed to survive.

Just know when we meet and you hear my name,

there’s a devil behind this angels’ disguise.”

“My Blessing is My Curse”

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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“These words that I write,

keep me up through the night.

They battle with such spite,

until one wins the fight.

Then it screams in my head,

“HEY! The other one’s dead.”

“Write me down instead!”

“I want to be read!”

So I write down the word.

Then another battle’s stirred,

and I just wish it were,

the final thing I heard.

Can you relate to what I mean?

Am I singled out with this disease?

I just wish someone could see,

how hard it is to be me,

when I feel like I can’t take,

another word and start to hate,

my gift… my life… my fate…

Blessing or curse? You can debate.”

October 12, 2009

“A Poem in the Making…”

Filed under: Thought — Shady @ 9:45
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After a romantic dinner…

In front of total strangers…

A man grabs his significant other by the hands. He gazes into her eyes and loses himself for a moment.

Then…

 He remembers his purpose… He remembers his one reason for being on this planet… It’s time…

He stares gently into her angelic eyes. His hearts pounding. It’s now or never.

He says, “It’s considered chivalrous and basically customary for a man to get down on one knee before he proposes.”

He gets down on one knee… Her heart starts thumping harder than his…

He says, “but before you freak out, I’m not proposing!”

Her heart rate calms, yet she’s overwhelmed with confusion… “What the hell is he doing then?” She asks herself.

He speaks again… ” A proposal basically means a suggestion and I’m not going to suggest that you spend the rest of your life with me, which is why I’m getting down on both knees.”

She’s more confused now than before… What the hell is he doing then?

He speaks again… ” I’m on both knees now because I’m not proposing that you marry me,” He pauses…

He takes a deep breath and says… “I’M BEGGING YOU TO!”

“I’m down on both knees because I’m begging you to marry me and spend the rest of our lives together! It’s you. You’re the one! You always have been & always will be…

So please… I’M BEGGING YOU… WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

There’s a moment of silence in which he’s worried she’s going to say no…

That moment was simply her thought process catching up. In those few seconds she’s stuck in awe! Every single love story she’s read… Every romantic movie she’s seen… Every heartfelt story she’s heard… None of them could compare to how truly beautiful what she had just witnessed happened to be.

It was the most breath-taking, romantic, chivalrous, thoughtful, and life altering action she had ever heard of…

Actually, it was beyond that. She couldn’t even fathom something this heartfelt in her imagination.

As far as her answer went… Could you say NO to that?!?!?

October 11, 2009

“Broken”

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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My mind, heart, and soul all feel like they’re broken.

When you removed my heart you left my chest open,

effortlessly shattered it and destroyed my emotions,

leaving me drowning in tears as deep as the ocean.

Broken hearts have no cure… There’s no magical potion.

There’s no ointment to treat… There’s no self-healing lotion.

Nor is there one to make you give total devotion.

If there’s a symbol of “LOVE” I’d just hand you the token.

I thought I couldn’t break but I guess you were the chosen,

to ruin my world and set all of this into motion.

I feel like I’m crushed but at least now I have spoken…

My mind, heart, and soul all feel like they’re broken!

May 6, 2009

“Re-wind Time”

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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“From the intense instant that we locked our eyes,

I awaited the existence of a distant surprise.

The passion was relentless and couldn’t be measured by size.

As far as your scent went, it set me on fire deep inside.

I knew in this exact minute that you had to be mine.

Even though ignorance is bliss, falling so hard just isn’t wise.

Every single one of my senses fooled me and told me lies.

This might sound twisted, but I knew you’d create my demise,

leaving me full of resentment and hiding behind a disguise.

I was still oblivious to the pain and had already made up my mind.

Even though I knew it meant heartache I needed you at the time,

but after all of this bullshit… I wish I could just press re-wind.”

April 16, 2009

“Enough is Enough”

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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You found my love button and then gave it a touch,

but next you found my pain button and just thrusted a punch.

I heard the crunch, felt sharp pain, and knew it was crushed,

and left on, simply leaving me hurt and stuck in a rut,

which was such a disappointment, we’ve been through so much.

You had me from the first time that I busted a nut.

Over time our love slowly just decimated to lust.

We lost trust, which happens to be an absolute must.

When you’re in love there’s no limit! Enough is never enough,

but the past few years have just defined the word rough.

I won’t do it any longer! I refuse to still be your crutch,

and hold you up! I’m stronger now and mentally tough.

I’ll leave you hungry for my love and I won’t be your lunch.

You used me for the last time you heartless fucking cunt.

I know you think I’m playing and you’re calling my bluff.

 This isn’t reverse psychology… I swear it isn’t a stunt.

I know this is blunt, but I’m so full of hate and disgust!

I’m done BITCH! Fuck off… Go to hell, and good luck!

 

March 10, 2009

“Perfect Circles”

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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I’d open my chest, take out my heart , and then show it,

hand it over to you and let you FOREVER hold it,

but it’s too little too late and you already know it,

because about 4 years ago you reached in and then stole it.

I’d take out my soul, then let you sculpt it and mold it,

but it’s to late for that too, for that last kiss I’ve done sold it,

it belongs to you already and you don’t know that you own it,

maybe when my time comes, perhaps you’ll just let God loan it.

 I just keep running in circles attempting to find my purpose,

but I keep coming up empty handed in all of my searches.

The love I have for you just seems more and more worthless.

What the hell did I do in my life to ever deserve this?

I hate you because I love you and it constantly merges.

Having you for eternity is the only thing that could be worth this.

I just want to live my life hurtless, and feel I’ve totally earned it.

The pain is absolutely unbearable, but in my eyes YOU WERE PERFECT!

February 7, 2009

“My Anything and Everything”

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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You are…

My black and my white, my wrong and my right,

my dark and my light, my day and my night,

my strength to persue, my failure when I can’t do,

my what and my who, my false and my true,

my first and my last, my present and my past,

my sky and my grass, my breath when I gasp,

every other breath that I take, my early and my late,

my give and my take, my love and my hate,

my beginning and my end, my enemy and my friend,

my receive and my send, my borrow and my lend,

my death and my life, my ex and my wife,

my left and my right, my blind and my sight,

my hurt and my love, my under and my above,

my push and my shove, my kisses and my hugs,

my everything and my nothing, my anything and my something,

my best choice and my dumb thing, my pain and my numbing,

my pride and my regret, my tears and my sweat,

my bribe and my threat, my gamble and my bet,

my minute and my hour, my weakness and my power,

my seed and my flower, my sweet and my sour,

my land and my sea, my you and my me,

my A through my Z, my full and my empty,

my miss and my annoy, my create and my destroy,

my girl and my boy, my work and my toy,

my trash and my treasure, my suffering and my pleasure,

my always and my never, my worse and my better,

my good and my bad, my happy and my sad,

my glad and my mad, my gone and my had,

my table and my chair, my water and my air,

my here and my there, my look away and my stare,

my sick and my well, my heaven and my hell,

my taste and my smell, my magic and my spell,

my abstinence and my sex, my want now and want next,

my simple and my complex, my failed quiz and passed test,

my fire and my smoke, my drama and my joke,

my disappointment and my hope, my sink and my float,

my earth and my skies, my truth and my lies,

my stupidity and my wise, my laughs and my cries…

And everything in between!!!

 

February 6, 2009

“The Chosen”

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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There’s a portion of my life that has been taken over by poetry.

It didn’t even ask… It’s just chosen me and devoted me.

When you read the words that I write you simply feel and know it’s me.

You don’t need to see my picture, my words absolutely show it’s me.

I try to express my life writing truthful and living openly.

I’ve spent the majority of my life living sad, hurt, and hopelessly.

Now I’m stronger and can deal with whatever in life is thrown at me.

So when a good author comes to mind I pray, dream, and hope it’s me.

January 8, 2009

The Unexpected (Tribute to 9/11)

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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A man wakes up then he stretches in bed,

gets ready for work and then pats his son on the head.

He kisses his wife and says “Have a nice day,”

but he didn’t quite know those were his last words to say.

He walks out the door then goes out and hops in his car,

thinking nothing can happen… Work isn’t very far.

He sits down at his desk thinking he will see his family soon,

then all of the sudden he hears a loud BOOM!

Within seconds he’s gone. His body is put to rest.

His wife hears the news and she’s starting to stress.

It hits her like a rock as she breaks down and cries.

What’s she to tell her son? That Daddy has died?

He’ll never understand. He’s only a couple of years old.

He doesn’t know about God… Let alone Heaven or a soul.

I know that this story sounds catastrophic and bad,

but it happened to thousands of people & that’s what is really sad.

Thousands of Mothers and Fathers, and totally innocent people…

Thousands of husbands and wives were taken by a horrible evil.

It was act act of aggression and a terrible act of hate.

We can’t even go to work without fearing for our fate.

If it was Osama Bin Laden or even Saddam Hussein,

it still doesn’t matter. We must make them pay!

For the Fathers they’ve taken, the Mothers who were lost,

and for rebuilding the damage, the money it will cost.

We know they’re out there hiding underground or in the hills,

and if we can not find them, God surely will!

I guess what my point is and what I’m really trying to say,

is that sooner or later we ALL face judgement day.

December 18, 2008

Passion…

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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My mind is the fluid,

that acts like an ignitor.

My thoughts trigger an effect,

similar to a lighter.

If you put them together,

it sets my soul on fire,

then a side of me comes out,

that is known as a writer.

The flames cause so much heat,

it makes me slowly perspire.

The words just keep flowing.

Perfection is what I desire,

along with the possibility,

that maybe I could inspire,

someone else in this world,

to read my words and admire.

I’m so addicted to writing.

Words are my drug supplier.

The buzz is just so intense,

I couldn’t get any higher.

Now I feel incomplete,

unless I manage to acquire,

my daily dose of poetry,

but this is what I require.

I’ve been down hells’ path,

but made it as a survivor.

I can honestly say the fact,

I’ve proved myself as a fighter.

I can also promise you this,

that I will spend my entire,

life constructing these poems,

and swear I’ll never retire!

December 15, 2008

Waiting for Fate

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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Now that I’m sober and I live my life straight,

my mind is froze solid and it’s stuck in a state,

where it can’t do anything except race and race,

due to all of the bullshit that I’m forced to face.

I walk the floor back and forth while I pace and pace,

to the point my own shoes wind up being unlaced.

I take the same foot steps, then just trace and trace,

and it was then I realized that there’s no way to escape.

I’m constantly wondering if anyone could ever relate,

to all the love that I have and still share all of my hate.

I’ve given for so long that now I just want to take.

My shoulders feel over loaded, like their stacked with weight.

I want a real relationship now… I don’t just want to date.

So will I ever get lucky and happen to find my soul mate?

Or did I already have her and now it’s just too late?

I guess the only option I have is Waiting for Fate!

December 6, 2008

Recovery

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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My love for you was as deep as the sea,

it flowed and flowed forever.

I once asked myself when would it end?

Then realized that it would never.

You led me on and kept stringing me along,

thinking that you were quite clever,

but I’m not a puppet! I’m actually far from it,

so now those strings are severed.

You’ll be replaced and eventually erased,

but I will be forever remembered.

We just can not be so before you pursue me,

you might as well just surrender!

November 1, 2008

Karma

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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I go out to the car and then run to the store,

realize you aren’t back as I walk through the door.

It hits me so hard that I collapse to the floor,

all because of the fact that I called you a whore.

I’m gasping for air as I feel like I’m lynched.

I feel like I had open heart surgery and didn’t get stitched.

Why aren’t you here? It just doesn’t make sense.

Oh yeah, I forgot… I called you a bitch.

What goes around comes around, at least that’s what they say,

now I’m stuck living in hell and pay day after day.

Words aren’t enough so I’m not sure what to say.

If I could go back I wouldn’t have treated you that way.

So now I sit here in sadness, see your pictures and glance,

with dreams of showing you love, attention, and romance.

My time has run out and there isn’t even a last dance.

I know you’d be amazed if you’d give one last chance.

That will never happen and there is nothing I can do.

It’s the story of Cinderella but the foot doesn’t match the shoe.

You run across my mind every second through and through.

Regardless of your feelings… I will always love you!

October 30, 2008

Issues…

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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You know you have issues when you get really pissed,

cry about 10 times a day and put a blade to your wrist.

You back out of the suicide and attempt to get help,

but it’s too little too late, she’s moved on with herself.

You cry, plead, and beg, but it just makes things worse,

because now on her priority list you come after her purse.

She’s never coming back, so what are you to do?

Pray to God daily and hope she misses you?

Do you move on with your life? Or hope for the chance,

that one day she will she there’s a chance for romance?

You know you would make her happy so why can’t she see,

that you two together were so meant to be?

She would rather take a chance and move on with her life,

instead of being a family, with children, and possibly my wife.

We could live in our house and see the kids off to school,

but she’s to stubborn to see that. Damn she’s a fool!

I don’t eat, I can’t sleep… I just sit here and diminish.

I look up and ask God where’s my better finish?

Why is this happening? It just doesn’t make sense,

so I’m back to square one with the blade to my wrist,

but again I put it away because this can’t be the end.

I have to raise my son, so I’ll live my life for him.

I’ll raise him and teach him all of the correct ways.

After living through this there must be better days.

I might suffer, struggle, and sometimes feel like I’m down,

but there will be a day when she comes around,

and realize all she needed was right there in her face.

She will open her eyes and see no one could take my place.

Until that day comes I will do no sort of self-harm,

and dream of the day I can hold her in my arms.

She means more than life so you could say I’m obsessed,

but what do you expect when you love a princess?!?!

October 29, 2008

It’s Over…

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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I get this feeling that I’ll miss you,

and I promise that I’ll never forget you,

but that still doesn’t make us right.

It’s time to throw in the towel & give up the fight.

Now we’ve tried so hard so many times.

We’ve told each other so many lies,

and regardless of how we feel,

moving on isn’t gonna get any more real.

So it’s time that I finally say goodbye.

It’s time we let the tears start to dry.

Just know that I swear that I really cared,

and I thank you for all the memories that we shared.

October 28, 2008

The Shady Life That I’ve Lived

ADDICT… ADDICTION…

   These are words that I don’t like to use. I don’t feel like I’m in this category. You can be addicted to pretty much anything. People are addicted to playing video games. People are addicted to chocolate. Hell, people can be addicted to Internet porn. That doesn’t mean that they will curl up, vomit violently, break out in cold sweats, and shiver so hard that they think they are going to break their own spine. I am chemically dependant.

   I started drug and alcohol abuse when I was 15. It started with smoking some weed and drinking on the weekends, but it didn’t take long to develop a serious problem with hard drugs. By the time I was 17 I was taking LSD 3-4 times a week and doing cocaine every day. I had older friends so getting alcohol wasn’t a problem. I would pretty much binge drink every night of the week. I remember doing half gram lines of cocaine while I was tripping my balls off, and had been drinking heavily for hours. Teenagers will be teenagers, but this was no life to live. By the time I was 2o I had quit cocaine, but still drank frequently and stayed high all the time. I would wake up, smoke weed on the way to work, smoke weed on my lunch break, smoke weed on the way home, take a shower, and then smoke weed the whole night until I passed out. It wasn’t until I was 22 that I found Oxycontin.

   You here alot about being addicted to the drug. What you don’t hear is how you become addicted to the process of doing the drug. I never liked needles, so I never shot up. I crushed up the pills and snorted them. It wasn’t just the high that got me. It was the anticipation of the buzz while I was crushing it up. The feeling of it going up my nose. The taste of the drainage when it hit the back of my throat. The warmth when it hit my stomach. Finally, the rush that exploded through my body when it hit me. Within a year I was doing up to 400mg a day. People that are terminally ill and dying usually get a max of 240mg per day. I had a very bad problem for about 3 years and then my car wreck happened. I hit a semi head on at 70mph. The lady that did my insurance adjustment said it was a miracle I was alive, let alone didn’t have a scratch on me. Don’t get me wrong, I was banged up inside pretty good. I had 3 broken ribs, a broken ankle, and 2 torn discs in my lower back. Most people would have seen this as an eye opener. I seen it as a chance to now get prescribed the drugs I had been buying off the street. It’s alot cheaper that way.

   I started going to a Dr. that was pretty well known for giving out pain narcotics. After telling him about my wreck and him looking at the hospital records… It didn’t take much. He started me on Norco, which is a hydrocodone that comes in a 10/325. The nice thing was he would give me 3 refills at a time. He would forget about it when I went back the next month and write me another script with another 3 refills. After 3 months of going, I had it set up to where I could go to a different pharmacy every week and pick up my script of 100 pills. Now Oxycontin was my drug of choice, but this was still an opiate, and it was alot cheaper. I would pick up my bottle and during the 10 minute drive home I would get full. I would usually chew up 10 of them on the way home, and then eat handfuls here and there the whole night. My script of 100 pills would be gone in 3-4 days max. I kept bitching about pain, even though I was numb to the world, so he kept giving me stronger drugs. Norco turned to Percocet, Percocet turned to a low dose of Morphine, and Morphine turned to Oxycontin… which was my goal all along.

   I now had my own script of the drug that I loved the most. I was prescribed 90 40mg pills a month. That was not a good thing at all. I would get my script and basically stay up until they were all gone. I would try to sleep and all I could think about was getting up and railing another one. So once again my script would last me only about a week, and after having Oxycontin all the time, the Percocet and Norco were useless. I was back to buying off the street again. Now I live in Indiana. Oxycontin goes for a dollar a milligram. So when I’m use to doing 300-400mg a day, that’s $300-$400 PER DAY! No one can afford that. I started Dr. shopping. I was seeing 2 different Drs. that would each give me a script at different times of the month, so I should be good, right? Not even close. Between the 2 scripts I was lucky to make it a total of 10-12 days. I couldn’t live like this. I would use before I went to bed and literally wake up 4 hours later with cold sweats and chills, so I would have to use again just to go back to sleep. I went to rehab…

   Rehabilitation… that’s kind of a funny word if you’ve ever experienced it, at least the places I went. I went to rehab 7 times in one year. I tried 3 different facilities and they were all the same. They would keep me for 3-4 days to detox me, keep me on meds to help with my withdraws, put me on anti-depressants, and send me home with a follow up appt. a month later. Do people really think that works??? I abused pain narcotics for 4-5 years. It seems like you would have to be an idiot to think keeping me for a few days would change that. I still continued to use multiple times every day. Alot of people that I knew couldn’t afford the habit anymore, so they started going to the Methadone clinic. For those of you that don’t know, Methadone is a drug that is used to get people off of heroin, which Oxycontin is basically synthetic heroin so it helps with all your withdraw symptoms. The problem with Methadone is that it is just as habit forming as Oxycontin, if not worse. I knew people that had taken it for over a year and if they didn’t have it, they would be just as sick as if they were withdrawing from the Oxys. I seen it in too many people to even waste my time. After a few more months of suffering with my dependancy, I found a place that used Suboxone in an out patient program. Suboxone is a synthetic opiate that does basically what Methadone does, but is supposed to be less habit forming. You start taking a certain dose depending on how long you had been on drugs, and they slowly ween you down. The 4 months I was on Suboxone was the best and easiest time I’ve ever had, but no matter how you look at it, I was still taking something every day. That’s where the mental game comes into play.

   I’ve now been clean for 5 months. The 4 that I was on the Suboxone, and 1 without anything. I should be happy, right? Life has never been harder. I have days where I wish that I would have died in my sleep. I don’t go day by day, it’s more like hour by hour. The user dreams get worse instead of better, and the temptation gets stronger by the minute. I dream of the day that I can go a few hours without thinking about using… but I’m a realist and I don’t think it will ever happen. I am now a hollow shell of what I once was. I don’t even know who I am. I spent so many years fucked up on drugs, and I started at such a young age that I don’t know what to do for fun. Since I can remember, getting fucked up was all I did. I feel alone, depressed, and un-connected to the world. I’m no longer the animal that drugs made me, but there are days that I think about going back because at least then I knew who and what I was. Now I’m just lost… and that’s the only way to put it.

   The reason I’m writing this is to thank everyone that reads it. Writing poetry is the only time I get to escape from reality, and it’s you guys that keep me going. Getting positive feedback on the poetry I write is what I look forward to everyday. If you met me in person you would have no clue that I’m capable of writing the things that I do. Very few people that know me personally know that I write. I have been labled as this guy who dresses nice and tells women what they want to hear just to get them in bed. I guess I’ve given myself that image so I have no one to blame, but I really am a good person. I just wanted to thank all of you again for your support. It means everything to me to know that you guys enjoy my writing. I’d like to give a special thank you to… Chloe, Fresh to Death, Craving Oxygen, Oracle of the Pearl, The Sleeping Typewriter, Wavemaker 2, Jan Freeman, Simone, and Dumakey… and everyone else that enjoys my writing. I hope this let you guys know and understand me on a more personal level. Thanks for your time!!!

October 16, 2008

Predication

Filed under: Poetry,Thought — Shady @ 9:45
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I had an expectation, obligation, and dedication to not use medication to bring me to sedation regardless of the desperation. My interpretation of the situation was to make a modification in my imagination. I had an infatuation with having a celebration no matter the occasion. I had to make some preparation of bringing relaxation, meditation, rationalization, justification, and realization to my demonstration of determination. My calculation of my rehabilitation turned into a fascination of my liberation. A manifestation of hesitation could cause obliteration, annihilation, and termination of my creation. My examination of my relation to the sensation of drugs and alcohol revealed a complication. Inebriation and intoxication gave me a revelation of my separation. I have a confrontation to my designation of manipulation in my exploration. Every situation has its ramifications no matter the destination of your generation. I hope your congregation, segregation, or federation of nations enjoyed this presentation. My calibration of this fabrication deserves gratification and congratulations!

October 2, 2008

Truly Giving

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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Look at the moon and stare at its beautiful, bright, white light,

that God gave the world to brighten the darkest of any night.

The moon is illuminated from the rays that the sun shines.

So does the moon owe the sun? Will it repay the favor in time?

It sounds totally ridiculous when you read it in those lines,

but I use to think I did you a favor, therefore, you should be mine.

I use to think we were perfect… You and I were two of a kind.

Now after all the pain I’ve felt, how could I be so blind?

We were a job I’d work forever. I’d retire and never resign.

Apparently, we weren’t meant to be, and my smiles turned to cries.

Since then, I’ve spent my life running at Satan’s side.

It seems I sold my soul so long ago, I don’t remember why.

He took everything I had in exchange for a life of lies.

Why the hell did I do it? Why couldn’t I be more wise?

I’ve asked myself this question so much, I’m starting to realize,

I was the sun brightening you… It was us up in the skies.

Forgive Me

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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I’ve lived my life so wrong and it’s time that I admit it.

In the 28 years I’ve had, I have honestly committed,

the lies, deception, and bad decisions that could be equivalent,

to that of the most scandalous, of any 90 year old senior citizen.

God, Jesus, Jehovah, Buddha, Ala… Please give me a minute.

Just listen to what I have to say, and please give me forgiveness,

or am I too late? Should I just give up, sit back, and diminish?

That will never happen. I swear that I’ll fight to the finish.

Where’s my genie when I need him to grant me my three wishes?

He’s probably also pissed at my relentless, pretentious decisions.

What the hell happened to me? I use to be a man with ambition.

Now my only ambition is trying to get my next prescription.

I hurt all the ones who care and fill their lives full of demolition,

destruction, pain, heartache, disappointment, and lots of confliction.

They’ve all given up on me and tapped out into submission.

If I don’t change, I’ll live life alone, and that isn’t a prediction.

It’s a fact! 100% true! I swear what I’m writing isn’t fiction.

Now I promise, all who care for me will get my fullest attention.

September 30, 2008

Beauty Goes Beyond The Skin

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Your beauty lies deep beneath your eyes,

and goes all the way past your sensual thighs.

You have the sexiest hair and a wonderful smile.

If beauty was measured in distance, yours would measure in miles.

Maybe it’s the way that you dress, or the way that you walk.

Something is even PERFECT about the way that you talk,

the way that you giggle, and the way that you laugh.

You’re everything I want and I’d give all that I have,

for just one last chance to hold you in my arms.

I swear to you baby, I mean you no harm.

I just want the chance to have you in my life.

Who knows? You might like it, and end up my wife.

Maybe not, but at least then I could always say,

that I had you as my girl for one last magical day.

So Far Away

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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Your gorgeous green eyes turn all the colors of the sea,

yet you don’t have a clue how much you mean to me.

You do not have a clue and I wish that you could see,

that there’s a reason why I fight and won’t let us be.

You can not feel my pulse when you hold my hand,

if you could you would know, and truly understand,

why I fight, even as the hour glass empties its sand.

You would stop thinking “I can’t” and know that you can.

Why have you given up on me now that I come around?

I know you’ve tried so hard and I’ve shot you down,

but now I’m not content just with hearing the sound,

of your voice. I NEED YOU HERE and I’ll say it as loud,

as you want, and I am serious… I’m not trying to play.

I just want to have the privilege of waking up everyday,

with you at my side, and I don’t know how I should say,

that I just want you here with me, and not so far away!

September 26, 2008

Wrong Choice

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I pick up the pen to write again, and make the time pass by.

Perhaps as it passes and I grow older, I’ll also grow more wise.

Writing is all I have left that prevents me from losing my mind,

due to you choosing “the typical guy,” over an original, one of a kind.

You’ve totally destroyed my heart. I know, I’ve written it in many lines,

but now you will pay for your own mistakes, as I am paying for mine.

I supported through your toughest times, and never ever left your side.

You were given mostly love and compassion, while I was given lies.

I’ve wasted over a year now, so I can honestly say that I’ve tried.

I’m swimming in an ocean, due to the sea of tears that I’ve cried,

but there’s nothing left inside anymore, there’s no fluid behind my eyes.

My life will go on, as before you, the sun will still set and rise.

Before I know it, the sea will evaporate, and I’ll rejoice as it slowly dries.

As the water becomes more shallow, I’ll know my love for you has died,

then you will see, all along, you were wrong and I was right.

I assure you at the end of the tunnel it’s dark, there is no light.

After living in the dark for so long, I’m just ready for the sun to shine.

The day that it does I’ll start all over, and a new love I will find.

If deep down inside, you thought I’d wait forever, you’re in for a surprise.

Everything I use to Cherish and adore, I suddenly now despise.

Nothing could express the pain that I’ve felt, it could never be justified.

I should have seen all along, you were a wolf in sheep’s disguise.

Curiosity

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
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I often sit and wonder… What’s the purpose of life?

Is it to have a nice house, and raise children with a wife?

What’s way out in space, and how far does it go?

Is there other life out there? Will we ever know?

Is there a comet on its way to strike the earth right now?

If it ever comes to it, can we stop it somehow?

Should we try to become rich, and live like a super star?

Or live life as it is and have respect for who we are?

Why are so many sick people in bed suffering from cancer?

Why doesn’t God take them fast? Only he knows the answer.

Why does it hurt so bad to lose the ones that you love,

when you know that they are going to the heavens up above?

What’s it like in heaven? Can you have trees, water, and air?

Do you get to see your loved ones? Can they see you from there?

What happens when we die? Do we just wake up in heaven?

Is God waiting at the gates? How many will he let in?

When we finally get to meet him will we actually understand,

why we were put here to live life on this land?

Why are there so many weapons of total mass destruction,

knowing the end results will be total mass construction?

Why are so many fathers taken? So many mothers gone?

So many children lost? Why are they usually innocent ones,

that just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

What the hell would I do if one of them were mine?

What is the true key to happiness, and what does it unlock?

I know it isn’t out there hidden beneath some rock.

Are we given a destiny on our amazing day of birth?

Maybe wondering itself is our purpose here on earth…

September 25, 2008

Hiding

Filed under: Poetry — Shady @ 9:45
Tags: , , , , , ,

I sit here all alone feeling nothing but depression,

hate, fear, love, all of the above, and some aggression.

How much longer will I be able to suppress them?

I guess I need some help… Anybody have a suggestion?

At first it was just love, then it turned into an obsession,

How could I be so blind? How could I even question,

if she was the one? Now I can’t look at my own reflection.

I messed it all up and there’s no chance of any redemption.

Her love for me is gone, and I can’t create a resurrection.

I’ve kept this all in, like this information was under discretion.

Now I realize that hiding only gave me less protection.

Why is it when I make decisions, I make the wrong selection?

I had you all to myself, then blew it with lies and deception.

Just know that you alone, define the word PERFECTION.

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